Motherhood as Metamorphosis: Embracing Change Through the Postpartum Transition

The other night, I was reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to my daughter, and I couldn’t help but think that becoming a mom felt kind of like the caterpillar’s journey.

And not just because the caterpillar’s week reads like a pregnancy craving journal.

But because entering motherhood is a full on metamorphosis.

You start off as a caterpillar.

You’re used to moving through the world as this particular version of yourself. When you’re trying to conceive and then pregnant, you are on the precipice of a big change and the change has started happening, but you’re still a version of you that is familiar.

Then comes the chrysalis.

This phase is kind of brutal. You turn into goo. All the important parts of you are still there within the chrysalis, but they’re rearranging. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. If you don’t know to expect it, it can be scary. But you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re in a space where you are becoming.

Eventually, you emerge a butterfly.

You are equipped with beautiful new wings, and you are now a recognizable iteration of yourself. It takes time to adjust, to learn how to use your wings, to get used to moving through the world as this new version of yourself. You’re stronger and softer all at once.

Metaphors are useful psychological tools.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), metaphors are an important way that we make complex, nuanced concepts more concrete. They help us tell a story about our experience in a way that provides some distance while also finding emotional resonance. They help us name things that otherwise feel difficult to encompass with just words.

A good metaphor can actually help us practice psychological flexibility.

When we are able to name our experience effectively, it helps us to practice acceptance toward that experience. When we know what to expect, what is within the realm of normative, we are less likely to shame ourselves or beat ourselves up for our experience, even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. When we can find a way to name our experience, we have a language we can use to talk about it. And when we can talk about it, we find that we are not alone.

Recognizing the magnitude of the transition into motherhood can help alleviate shame and worry.

One of the symptoms of postpartum depression (PPD) is excessive guilt and worthlessness. It’s shame around the ways that we are struggling or finding this huge change to be challenging. And a major symptom of postpartum anxiety (PPA) is worry about our capabilities as a mother. Worry about whether we’re doing a good job. When we can meet our pain, our discomfort, and the messiness inherent in this transition with some compassion, we are less likely to get caught up in unhelpful stories about our selves and our experiences. When we can recognize that we may be in the goo phase and hold hope that we are in the process of becoming (rather than in the process of breaking), we are a little bit less likely to beat ourselves up for feeling whatever messy thing we are feeling. And in accessing that self-compassion, we may be able to alleviate some of the most painful aspects of our suffering.

The process of becoming is hard.

If you are struggling with sadness, numbness, worry, guilt, anxiety, shame, grief, loneliness, or any other unexpected or uncomfortable emotion, finding yourself distressed by your experience, or finding it difficult to function in important areas of your life, you don’t have to white knuckle it on your own. If you think you may have postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, or postpartum PTSD, seeking professional support is important.

If you’d like more information about my services, give me a call at 949-464-7684 or email me at annabelle@caaptherapy.com.

If you are in need of immediate support, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Line at 988 or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA.