Painful emotions and sensations are an unavoidable part of being human. And very much an unavoidable part of being a mom. Sometimes, there is something we can do to alleviate painful experiences. But sometimes our efforts to avoid or control pain creates a struggle that restricts our lives and increases our suffering. Acceptance of our uncomfortable emotions and sensations can help reduce suffering that comes from fighting our experience.

Our minds have the incredible capacity to reflect on the past and to plan for the future. These skills have in many ways been adaptive to us as a species. However, sometimes our cognitive capacity to time travel causes us suffering or causes us to miss out on meaningful moments right in front of us. Mindfulness helps us to gently bring our attention back to the present moment, and to approach our experience in this moment with compassion and non-judgmental curiosity.

We are constantly making meaning out of our experience in the form of our thoughts. But we often forget to notice that our thoughts are stories our minds are telling about our subjective experience. So we tend to take our thoughts at face value, even when these stories are harmful. Cognitive defusion is the ability to de-fuse with our thoughts, to step back and notice that they reflect one perspective. Our job is not so much to decide if our thoughts are true, but rather to decide if a particular thought is helpful.

Just like we can get caught up in difficult thoughts or emotions, we can also get fused with certain stories about who we are — stories shaped by past experiences, expectations, or how others see us. Self-as-context is the practice of connecting with your observer self — the steady, compassionate awareness within you that notices your experiences without getting swept away by them. This perspective helps create space between who you are and what you feel or think. It reminds you that you are not just one emotion, one thought, one moment. You are the container for all of it — and so much more than any single part.

Why do we have you practice all the above skills? So that you can connect with your personally held values. Values are not goals, not destinations, but the directions you wish to travel. They are qualities that you can choose to embody in any given moment, such as compassionate, patient, loving, adventurous, brave, playful, resilient. They may also include domains of your life that you cherish, including family, work, relationships, leisure, exercise, etc. Your values help inform and guide your actions.

These are your goals, and the actions you can take that are in line with the values that you hold. They are the things that you do to embody your values. In engaging in committed actions, you may find that you encounter uncomfortable emotions. In ACT, we say we hurt where we care. It is vulnerable to engage in life in a way that moves us towards what we care about. We practice acceptance towards our discomfort specifically so that we can take actions that move us toward a life full of vitality, meaning, and purpose.